My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
