She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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