I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
