Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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