So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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