hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
