im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
