Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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