What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
