I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
even my farts smell like vagina
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
