So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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