Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
