I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
