I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
