I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
