I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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