When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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