he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
