every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
