peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I think i peed on brittanys purse
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
