Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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