last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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