Heybabeimwearingurpanties
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
is it fun? or sober?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
