Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
