Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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