My friends, they love my intelligence
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
im holly from the hills drunk
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
