I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
there's paper in my vomit.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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