i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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