Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
