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At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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