she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
