Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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