I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
