you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
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