i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
