I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
