I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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