last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
