I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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