Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
