I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
