So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
