Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
