we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
