She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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