I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
