im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
There r osticjed everywhere
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
