He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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