I should be sponsored by Trojan
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
