Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Quick, to the slutcave!
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
