guys are only as good as the porn they watch
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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