Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
