Banned from zoo.
Again?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
