no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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