Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
