Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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