Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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