i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
