well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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