I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
