fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
