Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Dignity is for republicans.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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