Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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