You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
