i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
