I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
