Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
