dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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