Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
