I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
