oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize