Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
and eventually we just all took our pants off
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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