I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
