im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
