I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
