the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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