We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
