Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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