I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
