I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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