The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
