moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
