Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
