i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
