just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just invented taco cereal.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
