i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She's the barista slut.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
