I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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