shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
