Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
