you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
