he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
