paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
