Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
