remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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