I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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