Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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