Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
