she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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