This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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