You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
