is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
