I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize