I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize