saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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