omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
